HOW TO DEAL WITH PROBLEMS
RELATED TO BEDTIME:
PROBLEMJessi and April, ages five and seven, loved sleeping in their parents’ bed. Every night their parents would read them a story and tuck them each in their own beds. Within a half an hour, first Jessi and then April would claim they could not sleep alone and were afraid. Mother would lie down with one of the girls, and then, Father, with the other. The parents often fell asleep while keeping the girls company. Soon after the parents went to their own bed, the girls would awaken, come to the parents’ room and climb into bed. They would push their way between the couple and toss and turn until they finally fell asleep. This movement kept the father awake every night, and every morning at 5:00 a.m. he awoke tired for work.
DISCUSSION
One thing children may not realize is the physiological necessity of sleep. Jessi and April have not made the connection that their parents need their rest in order to be refreshed and ready for work the next day. The parents have not made this clear to them.
In addition, parents need time in the evening with each other or time to spend alone, without needing to attend to children all their waking hours.
Furthermore, parents are not obliged to share their sleeping space with their children if this inconveniences them. These all should be matter-of- fact expectations, or rules of the household, conveyed to the children.
SOLUTIONS
1. Set up a calming evening routine—bath, brush teeth, story, etc.
2.
Have a discussion with your children about “room time”. This is a
mutually agreed upon time each evening that family members
need to be in their own rooms. They do not need to sleep or turn
the lights off, but they must be quiet, so as not to disrupt the
others. 
3. They can read, draw, or play quietly. (However, this is not a time for television or computer play—activities that can go addictively late). Parents can explain that it is a time to wind down and for everyone to spend time on their own interests and for parents to enjoy time together. Involve your child in the group decision as to when room time should be, within reason.
4. After having discussed this arrangement and having received the child’s agreement, if, during room time, your child comes out of her room, then, without saying anything, take her by the hand or wrist and walk her back into her room. Leave quietly, closing the door. You may need to do this two or three times, quietly and gently, before she believes that this is an actual rule. Make sure you leave time for training in this respect—i.e., that you are not pressured to be somewhere else during this training time.
5. Also, make sure the children know they need to leave the house by a particular time in the morning even if the children are tired from having stayed up too late. Their tiredness on one or two occasions drives home the point to the children that sleep is valuable. It also helps them figure out when they should go to bed in order to not be tired the next day. Warning: Refrain from “I told you so” or anything among those lines. This will turn the natural learning experience back into a power struggle.
6. Avoid lying down with children to “help” them fall asleep, falling asleep yourself, unless this is how you plan to end your evening every day for the next years.
7. “Do not make a big fuss over sleep, for that may cause the child to develop undesirable sleep habits that persist into adulthood.”
(Discussion and Solution adapted from Painter & Corsini, 1989)