HOW
TO DEAL WITH PROBLEMS
CONCERNING CHORES:
CONCERNING CHORES:
PROBLEM
Matthew and Micah were both assigned different chores. It was Matthew’s job to feed the dog and vacuum the carpets. Matthew regularly did his chores without reminders from his parents. Micah, however, was completely different. He was supposed to bring in the mail everyday and empty the dishwasher. Micah rarely did his chores. He found more joy in playing his video games than in helping the family. Every night his mother reminded him to empty the dishwasher. He said he would do so, but did not. Eventually his mother asked Matthew if he could help out and bring in the mail and empty the dishwasher. Matthew did as his mother asked, while Micah continued to play video games.
DISCUSSION
The goal should be for every member of the family to contribute to the family. “The size of this contribution is best determined by unanimous agreement among all family members, including the contributor – all should agree that the arrangement is fair.” For a member to do less than his or her “fair share” should be considered wrong. It should also be considered wrong for a person to do MORE than his or her fair share on a regular basis.
Young children enjoy working alongside their parents. It is important to take time to allow them to do so, safely and competently. They then continue to do so by habit in later childhood. In addition, they learn household skills well.
SOLUTION
1. The family should have a discussion and come to some agreements on “the necessity and fairness of sharing chores within a family.”
2. They should agree on a list of chores needed to keep the household running smoothly and an approximation of the time, effort and skills needed to complete each chore.
3. Members should then choose the chores they agree to do. Factors such as the child’s age, abilities, available time and other practicalities should be considered when dividing up the chores.
4. At the same meeting, family members should decide, ahead of time, WHEN the chore should be done by each week, and what the logical consequence should be IF a member does not do his/her chore by the designated time.
5. One set of logical consequences that has worked for families when chores are not performed by the designated time, is as follows:
a. No one else should do the chore, so that it remains undone, and members experience the inconvenience of this.
b. People who want to eat or sleep on their designated chore days must first do their chores. For example, the parent can say: “We’re about to eat, but you are not quite ready, yet, for dinner. Please join us as soon as you have finished your chore. We’ll save food for you.”
c. In extreme situations, when children refuse to work, parents can quietly announce that they, also, will stop work during this period, as it is not fair for one or two of the family members to pull all the weight for the group. This is to reinforce the point that all members are responsible for keeping the household functioning, not just the parents.
d. Note: One purpose for the family to agree upon chores and consequences is so that children are free from being nagged to do chores that parents have assigned, and so that parents are free of having to nag, constantly, to get any help. If a child does not do his chores voluntarily, DO NOT NAG. Simply apply the agreed upon consequence, quietly, and move on. If this does not solve the problem, put it on the list of aspects to cover in the next family meeting.
(Discussion and Solution adapted from Painter & Corsini, 1975)