HOW TO DEAL WITH PROBLEMS

RELATED TO EATING:

PROBLEM

“Kevin, it’s time for dinner,” mother called.

 Kevin ran quickly to the kitchen and asked, “What are we having for dinner, Mom.”

“Beef stroganoff.  Go sit at the table, please.”

 “EWWW! I hate stroganoff! I want a grilled cheese sandwich!”

“No, I’ve already made dinner and don’t want to make another.  Please go sit down and eat.”

Kevin continued to plead with his mother, who eventually made him a grilled cheese sandwich.

 

DISCUSSION

 

1.    It is not necessary for parents to serve every whim of their children.

 

 

 

2.    Allow the child to participate, from an early age, in feeding him- or herself.

 

    3.    Meal times should be enjoyed by the entire family.

 

 


4.    Avoid making eating a power struggle or opportunity for revenge.  Food should be for enjoyment, nutrition and spending time together, not control issues.

 

SOLUTIONS

     1.    Meal-time should be pleasant.  Invite all to eat and allow anyone who does not want to eat to do something else, in a different room, away from the family. (However, the child cannot then eat dinner later, nor snacks at will between meals—the next available food comes with the next family meal).  If a child does not want to come to dinner, you may say, “Okay, this is the only time we will serve food for this evening, but I will have breakfast ready for you in the morning.”

 

    2.    Take time for discussion of the routine and for training (ideally at a neutral time).  Show them about nutrition, portions, holding utensils etc. by explaining what you are doing and pointing out grown up children or teens who are eating like adults. (But do not make a big deal about others’ children or teens eating inappropriately in public.  We try to keep training focused on the positive rather than accentuating the negative).

 

 

    3.    Children should be allowed to serve themselves their own portions of food—choosing from among the healthy alternatives you provide, and dishing their own plates. 

 

 

    4.    There is no need to micromanage what your children eat.  The best method for encouraging healthy eating is to do so yourself AND to keep empty calories and junk food out of your house and generally unavailable.  At the same time, eating junk food at others’ houses or school or an occasional fast food meal are not going to ruin your child’s health.  The less you focus attention on eating, the more naturally your child will eat.

 

 

    5.    Given time and the freedom of choice your child will develop a taste for many foods.  Power struggles and insistence that the child eat particular foods and/or clean up his/her plate, typically leads to confused beliefs about eating and in some cases, disorders.  Food is not something that adults should “lord over” their children.

 

     6.    A child should not be expected to eat the same amount of food at every meal.

    7.    Healthy desserts can be served, if you like, but not treated as if they were a reward.  Children later associate sweets with approval and want to reward themselves for every adaptive move they make or comfort themselves with sweets.  This dependence on sweets as a sign of love or approval becomes a problem for adults, later, when they are watching their weight.

 

8.    Eating should be your child’s choice.

 

9.    If children refuse to eat, do not force them or pay much attention.  Simply clear their dishes from the table and say you’ll be ready to eat with them at the next meal.

10.           Avoid serving special snacks to hungry children who have not bothered to eat during the previous meal.  However, welcome them, without mention of the earlier meal or event, when you sit down as a family to eat again.

 

11.           Invite your child to join in all family meals.  If s/he chooses not to eat, she should go to some other room to play (but allow no food until the next scheduled meal or snack).  Again, you may simply say, “I'll have breakfast ready for you tomorrow morning,” if the child whines or cries for a special snack.  Keep the interaction pleasant—avoid all power struggles, yet hold to your principle that food is to be eaten at scheduled times when the family eats.

 

12.           Ask your child to help with meal planning and shopping.  In this way, if they want grilled cheese sandwiches they have a voice in what the family eats at meals.  You may say, “That's a great idea, I like grilled cheese sandwiches too.  Why don't you and I make that Thursday.”