HOW TO DEAL WITH PROBLEMS

PROBLEM        

“Sean…Sean” the father shouted. 

“Where is he? It’s past seven,” he asked his wife.

“He’s going to be late for school and I’m going to be late for work.  This nonsense needs to stop.  I’m tired of it.” 

“I’ll go wake him,” the mother offered. 

“He should be able to do this on his own,” the father replied.

“I know, I know, but we can’t just sit here and waste our day waiting on him,” she said as she climbed the stairs. 

“Sean…Sean,” she called sweetly.

Sean rolled over, grunted something incoherent, and went back to sleep. She sighed, and thought to herself, “There must be a better way to do this.”

DISCUSSION

    1.    Children will learn to get up and take care of themselves if they face the natural consequences of being late for school (such as getting in trouble with the teacher) or the logical consequences of having to dress or eat in the car, (when the parent quietly insists on leaving the house on time).

2.    Parents should take time to train their children in the morning routine on a day when the parents CAN be late to work.

    3.    Parents must allow “getting up” to be the child’s responsibility.  They should avoid doing for a child what the child can do for him- or herself.

SOLUTION

    1.    Buy an alarm clock.

2.    Give the alarm clock to your child and show him/her how to use it.  Do this training at a neutral time, not in the heat of the moment.  Take the time to make sure your child knows how to set the alarm.

    3.    Or, if you do not want to provide an alarm clock, say you will call your child only once in the morning, at a time of the child’s choosing.

     4.    Discuss what time the child feels s/he needs to wake up in order to be ready on time.

    5.    If children sleep in different rooms get them each an alarm clock.

    6.    See what happens.  Allow your children to learn for themselves.  If your child discovers s/he needs more or less time in the morning, reinforce this decision-making but avoid any “I told you so” statements.

    7.    During the training session, discuss the consequences that will occur if the child gets up late.  For example, say something like this: “Your ride to school leaves at 7:15 am.  You will need to get into the car no matter what your state of readiness.   If you did not eat or brush your teeth—you will need to skip those for the morning.  You may bring your clothes and dress in the car, if you need to.” 

    8.    You may need to inform the school that you are teaching your child to be responsible for getting himself up and ready for school.  Let the school know that if, during this training period, your child is late, you agree with any consequences they have designed for tardiness and welcome them to impose these (such as keeping the child in during recess, after school, or reducing the child’s citizenship grade).  Children learn limits more quickly from authorities outside the home, with whom they tend to have a less nuanced relationship.