HOW
TO DEAL WITH CHILDREN
NOT RESPECTING PROPERTY:
NOT RESPECTING PROPERTY:
PROBLEM
“Where the heck is my saw?” Mr. Santos grumbled. “Brent, I saw you playing with it yesterday. Do you know where it is?”
“No, Dad.”
“Are you sure?
“I don’t know where it is, Dad.”
“Are you really sure?" There was no answer.
Father walked around his tool area and then wandered outside. He spotted his saw on the ground, beginning to rust from last night’s rain.
Feeling angry, he yelled at his son. “Brent, you left it out here. And you also lied to me. I don’t want you in my garage or borrowing my tools again. Do you understand?”
Brent walked out of the garage not knowing whether to be remorseful, sad or angry. He had learned nothing.
SOLUTION
1. Children should be taught to respect property—both their own and others’. The family should discuss what members should do to repair or replace property that is misused.
2. Parents have the right to expect that their things be respected. They should discuss rules for borrowing and what happens when property is mistreated.
3. Dangerous things such as weapons and power tools should be locked up or made inoperable. Dangerous medications should be kept under lock and key and made inaccessible to children.
4.
Parents and children should enter an agreement so that if the
children are permitted to handle equipment,
tools, or other items for their own use and “forget” to return them to
their proper places, parents may remind them to return them.
Reminding is most effective if tied to eating and sleeping.
Explain to children that they will learn to remember on their own if
reminded before dinner or bedtime. Ask the children to
choose the time. If they use a saw and come in for dinner without
returning it to its proper place, quietly say, “There is something you
didn’t do,” or, “When you are ready.” Do not serve the
meal until the saw is returned and do not get into a fight
about it. Remaining silent prevents fights. When the
relationship improves, you can again allow the use of tools and use the
simple reminding technique. 
5. If the child misuses equipment, the parent has the right to make that equipment “off limits” for a definite period (this should be a short time).
6. If a piece of equipment is misused and it is impossible to determine which child misused it, it can be made off limits to all children in the family. This is an application of putting all in the same boat.
7. If one child uses another’s equipment or toys and a ruckus ensues, we recommend that parents keep out of it. Do not try to arbitrate. Solutions to such problems can come: (a) through the family council meeting, in which the children can settle the issue with the help of the parents, or (b) through letting the kids settle these issues between themselves.
8. Children who clean up their own messes learn to be more careful. Even young children can clean up spilled cereal or milk. Older children can clean up stains and put stained clothing in the wash.
9. House rules can include cleaning up any hand-prints you (or your friends) make on the wall and mopping the floor if you (or your friends) track in mud.
10. Children learn to take care of property if they assume responsibility for damaging it, even accidentally. The family members should discuss what should happen if a person damages some of the family property.
